Parenting Advice, Who Needs It?

Need to vent a little about a mom's group I attended today. The topic was parenting and I'm finding sweeping overviews of parenting are driving me nuts and making me feel terrible. The lady (some sort of child psychology person) basically said to pick your parenting style and stick to it, be that more permissive or more authoritarian or authoritative (not much explanation about what those mean). She claimed to be backed by all of this research and then made statements like "never use physical punishment because there are better ways" and "the main thing that toddlers need is a sense of control over their world."

Jackson is acting like a maniac at home most of the day, throwing one violent fit after another over the most inconsequential issues. He doesn't even know what he wants most of the time, just that he wants to control everything I do. I feel so strongly that my job right now is to show him that he is not the boss of this house. Not to make him feel like he has some control, but show him how to rest in the fact that I will care for him and he doesn't have to rule the world. He's 2, the job of running the house and controlling all of us is much too big for him. Reminds me exactly of the submission and peace God wants for me as I trust in His plan and provision.

It is so hard to keep doing what I know he needs when every parenting influence (even, and especially, Christian ones) do not emphasize having authority over your child and don't help you take hold of the reigns in your home. We are supposed to just muddle through with these little tips about having the kids "talk it out" and "make small choices." I give him the choice of sitting at the table without thrashing and screaming or going to his room, he chooses neither. So I guess I'm "making him comply" by taking him to his room, which is not ideal. He is wielding his emotions as a weapon against every good thing I try to give him and it's sad and hard for both of us to make it through the storm of his unfiltered emotions.

The gal also had some great things to say about the uniqueness of each child, how I have been chosen by God specifically for my child, and about the need to change approaches every few months as a child progresses to different ages. That's what makes it so confusing. There's a lot of helpful truth woven into an undertone of shared authority between the generations (with really little ones, not sharing authority with a teen which would be totally different). There were also subtle hints that if husbands parent differently, we can get them to think like us with the proper "neutral statements." No talk of actually respecting the husband and his wisdom and approach, just delegating parenting task to him that are easier for him to swallow.

I'm most definitely oversensitive to these particulars, especially when people come at you with "science" and not just their personal experience. If you're going to tell me that research says that my 2-year-old has the capacity to "negotiate" and "reason it out for himself" then keep it to yourself!