Parenting Advice, Who Needs It?

Need to vent a little about a mom's group I attended today. The topic was parenting and I'm finding sweeping overviews of parenting are driving me nuts and making me feel terrible. The lady (some sort of child psychology person) basically said to pick your parenting style and stick to it, be that more permissive or more authoritarian or authoritative (not much explanation about what those mean). She claimed to be backed by all of this research and then made statements like "never use physical punishment because there are better ways" and "the main thing that toddlers need is a sense of control over their world."

Jackson is acting like a maniac at home most of the day, throwing one violent fit after another over the most inconsequential issues. He doesn't even know what he wants most of the time, just that he wants to control everything I do. I feel so strongly that my job right now is to show him that he is not the boss of this house. Not to make him feel like he has some control, but show him how to rest in the fact that I will care for him and he doesn't have to rule the world. He's 2, the job of running the house and controlling all of us is much too big for him. Reminds me exactly of the submission and peace God wants for me as I trust in His plan and provision.

It is so hard to keep doing what I know he needs when every parenting influence (even, and especially, Christian ones) do not emphasize having authority over your child and don't help you take hold of the reigns in your home. We are supposed to just muddle through with these little tips about having the kids "talk it out" and "make small choices." I give him the choice of sitting at the table without thrashing and screaming or going to his room, he chooses neither. So I guess I'm "making him comply" by taking him to his room, which is not ideal. He is wielding his emotions as a weapon against every good thing I try to give him and it's sad and hard for both of us to make it through the storm of his unfiltered emotions.

The gal also had some great things to say about the uniqueness of each child, how I have been chosen by God specifically for my child, and about the need to change approaches every few months as a child progresses to different ages. That's what makes it so confusing. There's a lot of helpful truth woven into an undertone of shared authority between the generations (with really little ones, not sharing authority with a teen which would be totally different). There were also subtle hints that if husbands parent differently, we can get them to think like us with the proper "neutral statements." No talk of actually respecting the husband and his wisdom and approach, just delegating parenting task to him that are easier for him to swallow.

I'm most definitely oversensitive to these particulars, especially when people come at you with "science" and not just their personal experience. If you're going to tell me that research says that my 2-year-old has the capacity to "negotiate" and "reason it out for himself" then keep it to yourself!

Getting Through A Sick Day

A sick day at home calls for some special allowances to get us through the day. I try my best to not always let those leniencies go toward TV, but sometimes that just happens. Today instead Jack got to do his favorite sink-play. It's like a bath without getting soaped or submerged.

Kept the coughing boy busy for a hour. Plus I didn't have to watch him in the bathroom like I would with a bath. He's right in the middle of things.

It's a double win since Cosette gets her run of the house while he's busy. She loves it.

We also tried out the successful baby-gate cave. Jack liked it but kept demanding everything from his bed be brought in there, including every special animal and pillow and blanket, so it was pretty crowded.

I see a bear who's happy to be caged.

Kitchen Express

They formed "train cars" in the kitchen from their storage bins. Cosette's bin is actually really tiny but it doesn't look so small with her body in there. I can't believe she fits. We can barely get our play dough in there.

Jackson wanted a turn to drive so they negotiated a way to switch the "cars" around. Now he's running the train.

Opps, a little tumble. She's ok. It's so funny to me what kids come up with. I would never think to suggest some of the games they think are the most amusing.

Where's Cosette??

This reminds me of ET hiding in the closet. I think Coco has gone overboard on the stuffed animals and dollies to cuddle.

Train Adventure

We had a fun adventurous outing this morning with 19 of our littlest buddies on the Cal Train. We rode the train from the Menlo Park station up to the Burlingame station where we got a treat.

Nervous and excited for his first ride on a real train. Looking for some time tunnels to take us back to the Cretaceous Time Period (he still loves the Dinosaur Train show)

 Sharing a seat with his buddy Clara

 Mom and Cosette ride too. Coco still has a black eye from a spill she took last week, poor Baby!

Chaos at the donut shop. Yep, they're all with us.

  Cosette wants that donut! I over road Jackson's request for coconut and went with the safer bet - chocolate with rainbow sprinkles.

She wants her own seat

We also got to romp at the park for a few minutes before catching the train home. Cosette chased a dog and lost her shoe, but Jack was very well mannered. It is so fun to be able to get out into the world with these two more and more. 

Playing on the platform and running in the sun

Both times we got off the train Jackson almost threw a fit because he didn't want to get off. He did hold it together long enough to get off at the right stops. It's hard waving goodbye to the train when you'd rather ride it all day!

1,000 Dental Appointments

It only feels like that many this month, but I guess it's closer to 8. I am in the midst of getting a front tooth replaced and am blogging about it to focus on the amusing side and not to fall into self-pity and self-consciousness about it or try to hide it since a messed up front tooth is not something you can hide.

I've known since I was 12 that this tooth (#10 as I now know it) needed to be replaced someday since the root was disintegrating, and it turns out now is the time. See the root absorption below over the last 2 years is dramatic. All the other teeth have roots and poor #10 has nothing to hold on to.

 I like our current plan to take it out and replace it better than the former plan, which was to wait until I got knocked in the face or bit something hard and it fell out into my lap. The new plan takes 9 months to get this tooth replaced and only requires being toothless for a few hours at a time.

I've been through many oral surgeries, dental procedures, and lots of painful orthodontia, so I wasn't too worried about the procedures (not shaking in my boots like I get before having blood drawn! I'm very squeamish about veins).

On the way to the periodontist. Good-bye fare #10, you've done the best you can, under the circumstances.

But when it comes to having someone rip your tooth out while you are awake, even though you are numb, it is just incredibly unnatural and unnerving. I was so tense it made me identify vaguely with a torture victim, even though it wasn't going to hurt. I was ready to give up the intel and sell out my friends if it were a real situation. How quickly I crumble! That brief moment of dread and fear made me so thankful for what Jesus did on the cross, undergoing the worst torture for hour after hour so I don't have to. I couldn't cope with 5 minutes of fake torture, the sound of cracking enamel and ripping tissue.

Afterwards, driving from the periodontist to the dentist to have my tooth shaped and glued back into place as a temporary placeholder until the implant is placed in 6 weeks. My sister said I look like a stroke victim - thanks for that! And the tooth itself in transit. Not quiet as official as an organ transplant. They let you carry it in your purse.

 

After it's all glued back together. They did a great job making it look ok. Still a little puffy, but relieved to be done for this week. Got to return home to the tots being crazy with Daddy. So wonderful to get a hug and kiss from Jack: "Are you all better Mommy?" I'm getting there Buddy Bear!

Lil' Captain Jack

Jackson discovered pirates recently and even got this pirate set as a gift today. That sword has seen some major action already. I don't advise swords for 2 year olds. The Mickey Mouse box said 3 and up but that doesn't seem accurate either.